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Manchester United’s hopes for retaining the Premiership title took a serious blow this weekend with a record 17 to nil drubbing at the hands of Mike Ditka. 69,000 Mancurians looked on bewildered as their United were roundly beaten in every facet of the match by a solitary, bespectacled opponent, whose identity and prowess for many in England still remain a mystery.

The gridiron legend played and coached most of his years for the NFL side, the Chicago Bears, shattering previously held records in a decorated on-field career and becoming a fan favorite of mythic proportion off of it.  In fact, it was once predicted that Mr. Ditka would beat the entire New York Giants American football team by himself, 17 to 14, via a late Ditka field goal.

Because the season got under way a little over one month ago, United supporters will argue that the three points dropped on Saturday against the amazing Ditka can be recovered over the course of the season.  But confidence in the dressing room has hit rock bottom for the Old Trafford outfit after letting in a new league record 17 goals at the now somewhat ironically named ‘Theater of Dreams.’

Never in the history of English football has one team been so handily trounced by another side, especially a side which fielded only one player.

As soon as the match official blew his whistle commencing the action the ball seemed to be drawn towards the United end and Ditka did not waste time, rocking the woodwork with a shot from 18 yards only 23 seconds into the match.  The United defense did not have time to be surprised by this shot on target because Ditka cut in behind and knocked in his own rebound from 6 yards.

Goals number two and three came just after the brightest spell of play from Sir Alex Ferguson’s team, who were apparently galvanized by the first stunner, but to no avail as the blitzkrieg on Old Trafford had just begun.  There’s no manner of legal fashion which Ditka did not employ to put the ball in the United net, mixing power with finesse and finishing prowess.  Goals eight, nine, and ten were actually scored with an unprecedented hat trick of over-head kicks.

After the eleventh goal, Ditka started to hit his stride, banging in goals from 40 yards past a hapless Edwin Van der Saar who had long finished shouting at his back four by that point.

In the 64th minute, Ditka was called offside on his own through ball, denying him goal number 15, despite the fact that being ahead of your own pass is contrary to all known laws of physics.  That proved to be only a short delay in the scoring because just two minutes later he rose above a stifled Ferdinand to head in to the top left corner.

By the time Mr. Swerski had blown for full time, there were only a few thousand fans left in the United stronghold of Old Trafford which had never seen such a blow-out defeat since it’s doors opened in 1910.

A fuming Sir Alex Ferguson refused a post-match interview with reporters and went directly into his dejected squad for what one can only imagine to be a blistering team talk.

Mr. Ditka could not be interviewed following the match because his mouth was stuffed with polish saaasages.

Manchester United: Van der Sar, Ferdinand (Captain), Vidic, Evra, Brown, Hargreaves, C. Ronaldo, Giggs, Scholes, Anderson, Rooney

Da Bears: Full-grown Ditka

Match Official: William Swerski

1. Manchester United: Why am I not betting against the defending champs? Because as long as they have a certain Portuguese winger (albeit injured right now) and Sir Alex leading the way, it will be hard for anyone to dethrone the Red Devils. Sure no reinforcements have been brought in, but the most significant departure wasn’t a player, it was assistant Carlos Queiroz. As it showed in winning the Premier League and Champions League last season, United has depth, experience and the youth needed to fight through a grueling season. While a right back and Dimitar Berbatov would help, United still have the championship pieces they need to succeed. Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal will be breathing down the Red Devils’ necks all season, but in the end United will come out on top.

2. Chelsea: There is wonderful depth, a new coach (Felipe Scolari) and the pain of finishing second best twice to United last season to drive the Blues forward. Robinho may be on his way in and Deco and Jose Bosingwa have both arrived, but Chelsea’s most important business all summer was hanging onto Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba. Without Drogba’s presence the attack would become weak and as many detractors as he has, replacing a center mid who scores 20 goals a campaign is hard to do. The title race could be decided by just a point or goal differential.

3. Liverpool: I shudder to give Liverpool any kind of credit because of its blatant inconsistency the past few seasons (not to mention its opening match in Champions League qualification) but Rafa Benetiz has made some good additions in Robbie Keane and Andrea Dossena. Still league form has been a struggle and Liverpool will again be on the outside looking in no matter how many goals Fernando Torres scores.

4. Arsenal: It was tempting to try and put the Gunners above Liverpool like last season’s predictions, but losing Hleb, Flamini and Gilberto could be too much. Samir Nasri and Aaron Ramsey could turn out to be stars, but they are young and the Premier League is a tough place to cut your teeth. Keeping Adebayor was key and a return to health by Robin Van Persie will be needed to pick up the scoring slack. A significant injury anywhere could expose Arsenal’s weak depth and a long season with cups and Champions League play will most likely do just that.

5. Tottenham Hotspur: After two straight fifth-place finishes Spurs floundered to 11^th last season.  However, Juande Ramos did lead Spurs to a Carling Cup title and off-season additions of Luka Modric and David Bentley have only bolstered the squad while an in-house cleaning of unnecessary players have been shipped out. With or without Berbatov Spurs will be looking in on the Big Four so they might as well cash in now and continue to strengthen its midfield and defense.

6. Aston Villa: Will the Gareth Barry saga ever end? Villa desperately needs to keep Barry not only because of his talent, but also because of the squad’s lack of depth. Young guns Ashley  Young and Gabriel Agbonlahor will carry the attack. Manager Martin O’Neill has also brought in quality additions like Curtis Davies, Steve Sidwell, Nicky Shorey, Brad Friedel and Carlos Cuellar.

7.  Portsmouth: Maybe a bit high, but I see Pompey doing well this season. Jermaine Defoe and Peter Crouch lead what could be a talented attack (no that is not a misprint). Lassana Diarra is due to show why Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger fawned over him and Niko Kranjcar showed he can handle pulling the midfield strings last season. Pompey will also need David James to repeat his performance as the league’s best goalkeeper from a season ago.

8. Everton: Not many additions to speak of and that does not bode well for a side that had a defender (Joleon Lescott) as its second leading scorer last season. The loss of Steven Pienaar for seven weeks is a recent blow for the Toffees. Production must come from Tim Cahill and Mikel Arteta while Tim Howard continues to man the penalty area.

9. Manchester City: I wanted to put them higher, I really did, but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Mark Hughes is a great manager and after what he showed at Blackburn I believe he can take City higher in the table, maybe just not this season. Last season City suffered from an inability to score so in comes the young and high-priced Brazilian, Jo. Whether or not he can score in England like he did in Russia is the big question. Another Brazilian, Elano, burst out of the gate last year only to fade and City will need his best form to stay in the top half. Martin Petrov is a great winger and provides City with a consistent threat on the flanks.

10.  West Ham: A repeat performance is in order for this consistent mid-table side.

11.  Newcastle: Maybe the hardest squad to peg, so this just feels right. Michael Owen will have to stay injury free and signing Jonas Gutierrez from Mallorca was a good addition. Defender Fabricio Collocini is due to arrive from Deportivo la Coruna any day to help strengthen  what has been one of Newcastle’s worst areas in recent years.

12.  Blackburn: Losing Hughes, Bentley and Friedel will hurt and the side will slide from its seventh-place finish a season ago under new manager Paul Ince.

13.  Wigan: Wilson Palacios and Antonio Valencia were impressive last season as Wigan made the jump from the Championship and stayed up. Now it will need to avoid a second-season swoon. I think Steve Bruce is up to the task.

14.  Middlesbrough: Not much change from last season because no team embodies its name quite like Boro does. Finishes of 11^th, 11^th, 7^th, 14^th,  12^th and 13^th  make this the perfect spot for this inconsistent squad.

15.  Bolton: Shockingly high, but I feel Bolton will somehow stay up this season. The additions of Johan Elmander and Mustapha Riga will have to produce the goals Bolton gave away in Nicolas Anelka last season. It will be a fight to stave off relegation.

16.  Sunderland: Roy Keane has shown he knows how to spend money, but are any of the players (El-Hadji Diouf, Teemu Tainio and Pascal Chimbonda) he’s brought in worth it?

17.  West Brom: The only newly-promoted side that looks like it has a prayer of staying up. It will, but just barely.

18.  Fulham: Fulham has been due to drop for a few seasons, but has somehow miraculously saved itself each time. Now there is now Brian McBride and Andrew Johnson, Bobby Zamora, John Paintsil, Zoltan Gera and Mark Schwarzer are not the answers.  

19.  Stoke City: Thanks for playing guys.

20.  Hull City: It’s going to be a long season for a side in the top flight for the first time ever.

Berbatov to Man U? Trouble at City? Curtis and the gang at Goalmouth Scramble discuss the latest rumblings and grumblings coming from England as the Premier League season fast approaches.

However, instead of focusing on what will happen in real life, the Scramble takes a stab at previewing the upcoming fantasy season. Is Tevez a bargain? Should you pay the maximum for Cristiano Ronaldo? Who will be the low-priced steals of the season?  Which newcomer will have the greatest fantasy impact and how should you build your team for the season’s opening weekend?

All is discussed and answered on the latest edition of the Goalmouth Scramble. Make your voice heard and e-mail the show at goalmouthscramble@soccerpro.com

The guys over at Goalmouth Scramble have been working hard lately and have a full slate of new podcasts to choose from. Included are Premier League previews for Stoke City, West Ham, Hull City, Bolton and Wigan.

Also, Curtis and Tom share some insight into a few deals going down in Soccer Manager and provide an update on the Scramble’s squad, Crystal Palace.

Not to be missed is an interview by Curtis with former U.S. National Team goalie Tony Meola.

Check it out.

So we have been on a bit of an extended absence here at SoccerProse, but with everything aside now we are back and ready to talk more soccer.

First on that list is that it is now August and the major European domestic campaigns are just around the corner and that means one things: predictions sure to turn out wrong. However after bravely choosing Manchester United to win the Premier League last season our confidence is a bit inflated. Our friends over at Goalmouth Scramble have been laying out their predictions the past few weeks so give those a listen too.

So prepare for our predictions in the upcoming days and be sure to let us know how wrong we are.

While thses brown bags are reserved for Curtis’ and Zack’s lunches, once West Brom gets going in the EPL this season their fans might find them useful to cover their faces.

 Anyways, EPL previews continue at Goalmouth Scramble and the Tony Meola show continues to get closer and closer.

Also, lookout for yours truly to make his debut on Goalmouth Scramble sometime next week.

Our favorite podcast is back at it. This time Tom is back with Curtis and the two discuss Tom’s trip to Germany during the Euro 2008 final in which he soaked up all of the local flavor during Europe’s most prestigious tournament.

The duo also break down Aston Villa’s chances in the upcoming EPL season. Is Tom still hopeful Villa can hold on to Gareth Barry? Check it out.

Our favorite podcast, Goalmouth Scramble, is back at it and this time Curtis dives in with two feet to tackle the issue of loyalty in the sport. Is there even any? The Francesco Totti’s and Ryan Giggs’ of the world are the exceptions, not the rules. No longer do players stay with one club their entire careers. So rarely do superstars come up with a powerhouse club, and even if they do it’s no guarantee they’ll stick around for a career. The richest and biggest clubs can buy any player they want, which creates a high-priced mercenary system to do one thing: win matches and trophies. Clubs may boast about their histories, but those were built on homegrown talent, not on what could be bought. They say money talks and in the world of soccer it certainly does where we know where the real loyalty lies; the almighty dollar (or pound or euro or whatever currency you use).

 Also in store, more EPL previews. This time a look at Arsenal and Middlesbrough.

Also, more news regarding Goalmouth Scramble and Soccer Manager for all of the fantasy fanatics out there.

Enjoy!

During a recent Under-9 soccer match at the local Parks and Recreation complex a grown adult male verbally abused the match official, according to eye-witnesses.  At 8:09 a.m. last Saturday, Ronnie Teague, the presiding referee, had just started the match between the Krazy Kickers and the Super Lizards when he heard Daniel Kelmeth arrive on the sidelines shouting bizarrely graphic threats on his life.

Flaunting all conventions of sportsmanship and sideline courtesy which normally accompany youth soccer, Mr. Kelmeth lambasted Mr. Teague with a stream of verbal attacks few at the scene could see coming. Many other soccer parents in attendance reported their dismay and confusion at the nature of Mr. Kelmeth’s tirades at the respected match official. 

“Refs are just kids doing their jobs,” a fellow spectator said, “and the kids are just want to have fun playing soccer. I guess I just don’t understand why he’s so upset, I mean my kid sucks, but he’s better than [Dan] Kelmeth’s kid.” Many other parents reported being confused by Mr. Kelmeth’s outbursts, referring to the respectful and nurturing atmosphere which always surrounds youth soccer. 

Seeming to ignore the fact that it is physically impossible for the eight-year-olds on his team to play soccer on the level of his expectations, Mr. Kelmeth refused to drop the issue, making the 14-year-old referee the target of his insults throughout the match. These odd verbal attacks became most pointed after Mr. Teague would blow his whistle for a foul. 

Mr. Teague reported feeling especially threatened when he heard Mr. Kelmeth shouting obscenities and insults which apparently included, “no-talent dummy,” “stupid-ref-who-can’t-even-drive,” and “tuna cakes.”

The young match official does not plan to take any official action against Mr. Kelmeth, citing the threats of physical violence and the “really sweet” Sony PlayStation 3 owned by Scott Kelmeth, Daniel’s 15-year-old son.

It now appears like the buck-toothed one is 90 percent sure of landing in Milan next season. While nothing is set in stone yet, it seems that the allure of AC Milan’s prestige and history of won Ronaldinho’s favor over the pounds (that’s money, not what he would be adding to his bulging waistline with a diet of fish and chips and lager) at Manchester City.

Although we’re not sure who the winner is in this situation.

Yes the transfer of Ronaldinho is a big deal (now the tabloids can focus on the ridiculous talk of Adebayor being worth 30 million pounds-more on that in a different post), but City should count itself lucky to have lost out on this transfer.While snagging Ronaldinho would have brought City a certain cachet, it also would have brought it the frowning face of the equine-inclined Brazilian. Deemed surplus at Barcelona, Ronaldinho has ceased to be an attacker who put fear in defenders and set them on their heels. Instead he became content with fancy flicks and his movement on the field decreased while his belly increased.

Maybe it really is just fitness holding him back; if that’s the case then Milan has a steal on its hands because if a fit Ronaldinho means a return to his form two seasons ago then Serie A defenders had better look out. Sadly this is doesn’t seem likely. Now combine that with where he will fit into Milan’s scheme on the field. History has shown us that he and Kaka don’t exactly bring out the best in each other on the pitch, and Kaka is not going anywhere. Now add in Andrea Pirlo, Gennaro Gattuso, Mathieu Flamini, Massimo Ambrosini and Clarence Seedorf and the midfield looks pretty crowded (similar to Barcelona). Ronaldinho is not an out-and-out striker so putting him up top will not play to his strengths or help the squad (even if Filippo Inzaghi is Milan’s top striker).

This all puts Milan in a quandary. Bring over the Ronaldinho, just a couple of years removed from being the world’s best player, and now find out he might not even be needed. We also don’t buy the change of scenery argument because Ronaldinho is 28, rich beyond belief and the signs of content in him have already begun to show. The fire and joy he brought to matches has dimmed only to spark in a moment of beauty, like a bicycle kick, to remind us all of what he once was. Milan has had success with Brazilians, but this was one they should have taken a pass on.

At least once the transfer is completed we won’t have to hear incessant Ronaldinho talk until he starts to regularly find a comfy spot on the bench.